If I don't friend you, you can ask me where I went.
Two years ago I was sitting here in the UMass library basement, writing a similar entry, and it was the first time I used the phrase "hungry and apologetic." So far, this fast has been relatively easy but the sun hasn't set yet, so we'll see.
Anyway this year is really different, in a way, because this is the first year in the history of my existence when I have a serious amount of shit to repent (or regret, at least)..about? Do you repent about things? or do you just repent them? Or neither? I don't even know how that word is used.
Anyway, I mean I do things wrong, everyone does things wrong but this year, THIS YEAR, I have been a particularly shitty human being. Really very bad.
So here's to not sucking so hard starting tomorrow. lolol. God, I don't even know why we do this though. Does it really change anything?
God: Joanna, you've been bad.
Joanna: I know, but hey, I'll fast.
God: This will accomplish nothing. What is wrong with you idiots?
Joanna: Yeah, I don't know, it's a bad tradition.
God: There are probably some real methods that help people change that could be at least begun on Yom Kippur in some kind of institutional way.
Joanna: I mean, sure, but it's so different for each person. You can't get each member of a congregation to confront their individual problems all at once with one rabbi. The strong point is supposed to be Jews all over the world doing the same thing at the same time.
God: Yeah, no one took time zones into account. Look, if you're not going to do it right, why do it at all?
Joanna: Well okay then, mr. smartypants, you tell me.
God: what if, instead of a day of prayers most people can't understand, and fasting, you bring in counselors and psychiatrists and rabbis and whatever, and have a day of counseling sessions in which people are forced to look critically at themselves and find practical methods of improvement. Not everyone will be saved, but certainly more people will be better off than they are now.
Joanna: Not a bad plan. Not a bad plan at all...now go convince people who have been doing the same thing for thousands of years and who particularly value tradition to up and change.
Joanna: Everyone and their mother thinks that's some BS, and you know it.
God: Okay, how about I send a divine message to you and-
Joanna: NO THANKS. No burning-bush-life-missions for me.
God: I'd threaten to not write you into the book of life if such a book existed, but my record keeping is really not all that organized.
Joanna: It's silly anyway. What if I decided to suddenly become a better person a week from today, too late? Book sealed?
God: I know, right? You foolish mortals.
Joanna: So what you're really saying is that I'm not actually fasting for you
God: True, I don't really give a shit
Joanna: And I know I'm not fasting for me
God: True, you're pretty hedonistic
Joanna: Which means I'm really fasting to appease people?
God: Guess so.
Joanna: Hmm, that sounds like something worth repenting.
God: Want a twinky?
Joanna: Very funny
God: Yeah, you kind of are.
Joanna: So you agree that my life is a joke.
God: On the plus side, I don't think we'd be in such constant communication if you were boring.
Joanna: Oh so comforting.
God: That's what I'm here for!
(This brought to you by hungry 21 yr olds for a better Yom Kippur)